1. Some yo-yo brought back Star Jones Reynolds -- that blabbering Hindenburg of obsequious flesh -- for her second year of red carpet duties. Dumb. However, Kathy Griffin -- who delivers us from all things celebrity -- is back as a foil. Smart. Normally, I run from red carpet hoo-ha. But the prickly combination of Jones Reynolds (who takes herself very seriously) and Griffin (who recognizes it's all a circus) makes for great live TV. Example: On E!'s red carpet coverage of the Golden Globes, Griffin pointed and said, "I do see Nicole Kidman coming down the red carpet and boy is she wasted! Whoo! I guess it's five o'clock somewhere." Cut to Jones Reynolds, who scolds, "Do not say anything mean about Nicole. She is my queen of the glamazons." Yeah, I'm sure she knows you, Fat.
2. Ellen is back as host. Smart. Will & Grace got 15 nominations. Dumb.
3. Some shrewd politico at ABC deemed Desperate Housewives a comedy so that it wouldn't have to go up against the network's drama contender, Lost. Great. Now Housewives will snatch the trophy from the deserving show, Arrested Development, the greatest comedy of the past 20 years.
4. In the pre-given minor awards, Angela Lansbury lost her 18th Emmy, tying Susan Lucci's previous record for most nominations without a win. I've always thought of Lansbury and Lucci as artistic equals, nevermind that one is a certified national treasure of stage and screen and the other is, well, a professional soap bitch.
5. Emmy voters thought it best to fill the guest actor in a comedy series categories with celebrities who walked onto the sets of Will & Grace and Everybody Loves Raymond. Do these voters watch TV? The most sterling guest work is done on Arrested Development, which has sported career-topping performances (performances, not walk ons) from Henry Winkler, Liza Minnelli, Ione Skye, Jane Lynch, Martin Mull, Judy Greer, Mo Collins, Ben Stiller, John Michael Higgins, Ed Begley Jr., Martin Short, Carl Weathers, and Julia Louis-Dreyfus. None of them were nominated. Bravo.
6. William Shatner will sing during the telecast. Smart. So will Macy Gray and Donald Trump. Dumb...?
7. Reno 911! continues to be ignored. Again, don't these voters watch television? Isn't that their job, to watch television? How could they miss Reno, and the seven most talented comedians on the airwaves? The only person who deserves to beat Jessica Walter for best supporting actress in a comedy series is someone who isn't even nominated: Kerri Kenney, who plays TV's greatest creation, Deputy Trudy Wiegel, on Reno.
LEAD ACTOR (comedy): Jason Bateman, Arrested Development. Hey, they got it right! LEAD ACTOR (drama): Hugh Laurie, House. Whatever. LEAD ACTRESS (comedy): Jane Kaczmarek, Malcolm in the Middle, the most desperate housewife LEAD ACTRESS (drama): Frances Conroy, Six Feet Under. I mean, if anyone saw the finale.
SUPPORTING ACTOR (comedy): Peter Boyle, Everybody Loves Raymondexcept me. SUPPORTING ACTOR (drama): Terry O'Quinn, Lost. Gee, Alan Alda is nominated for an Oscar, a Tony, and an Emmy within nine months and loses them all! SUPPORTING ACTRESS (comedy): Jessica Walter, Arrested Development. "Did I win the prize? I won the prize!" SUPPORTING ACTRESS (drama): Sandra Oh, Grey's Anatomy. In a sea of white winners, an Asian.
COMEDY SERIES: Desperate Housewives
DRAMA SERIES: Lost
Congratulations, ABC. Maybe Fox should've entered Arrested Development in the drama category. It's got more serious talent than your entire network history. Boo yah.