I want Romance and Cigarettes

Watch this trailer, then come back and we'll talk.

[dialing music]

Okay. Why hasn't Romance and Cigarettes been released theatrically? How come this isn't/wasn't a major event? I've been wondering this for over a year now. I mean, look at the evidence:

1. John Turturro, directing a blue-collar musical
2. Produced by the Coen brothers.
3. Winslet, in gaudy Yorkshire accent and skimpy red attire, lighting a cigarettes on a burning building (badass).
4. Sarandon & Gandolfini as unhappy marrieds.
5. A supporting cast that includes Bobby Canavale, Mandy Moore, Aida Turturro, Mary-Louise Parker, Steve Buscemi, Eddie Izzard, Amy Sedaris, Elaine Stritch and Christopher Walken.
6. The cast sings/lipsynchs Engelbert Humperdinck, Elvis Presley, Janis Joplin, Tom Jones, Cyndi Lauper and Bruce Springsteen.

Now mush that all together. IT'S THE PERFECT MOVIE. There isn't any conceivable reason why it should be held up from distribution in theaters or, at the very least, on DVD. The movie has stars. It's produced by a highly-respected team. And it's a musical -- which 10 years ago might've meant it would never see the light of day, but now means it's marketable! Who cares if it's a trainwreck? Release it, dammit.

It played Toronto last year and was called a "crowdpleaser." The official Web site says it was released on DVD in July. Not in America. I've got a publicity agent working on finding an answer for me. I'll report back. In the meantime, snack on this: Winslet clips from the movie, plus Mary-Louise Parker.