They go to an after-party; I stew in self-hate

The part of me that revels in awards shows withered and expired about the time Isaac Mizrahi (who?) referred to Charlize Theron's playing of Aileen Wuornos in Monster as a "scary dyke with no teeth." That was on the E! red carpet Golden Globes preshow, sorely missing the necessary tonic of Kathy Griffin.

Speaking of this Mizrahi f*ckwheat, he asks Hilary Swank: "Do you try to dress sexy since you're single now?" Uh, the Swank-n-Lowe "split" was announced just last week, and Swank replied with the proper peevishness, "No no no, I'm not single. I'm trying to work my marriage out." Celebrities, as a rule, must make concessions with their personal life, but none should be subjected to idiotic and insensitive questions like Mizrahi's. Also, he took it upon himself to prod Scarlett Johansson's breasts. Being gay does not give you a free pass to toss around "dyke" and grope women. I wish Johansson would've stood up for herself and slapped the sh*t out of him. All this ire before the show even started.

I guess it says something about the show that I'm still talking about before it when it is now, in fact, after it. It was a redundant, shockless night. Brokeback ruled, Ang Lee (above left, with Grizzle) further cemented the tenet that no foreigner can pronounce "Hollywood Foreign Press." Item: sincere thanks, Geena Davis, for parodying the self-importance of your industry with a great speech. Item: it's settled; Emma Thompson is my favorite person in the world.

In other news, Renée Zellweger and Ellen Pompeo (who?) are now indistinguishable from each other.